Since graduating from University, and even finishing Sixth Form, I have been surrounded by a plethora of truly wonderful human beings I call my friends. I pride myself on being an extremely good judge of character and as such have attracted, and maintained, friendships with some amazing characters whom I feel truly blessed to know. I am often told by family members, and new people I meet, that I appear to have a really good network of friends.
This is certainly true. I do have great friends. I have always appreciated this fact. I have always known that my friends are special and felt gratitude for sharing such awesome friendships with them. I always try to be an excellent friend, companion and supporter to those that I value and love, and believe it is this exact reason that I have attracted these generous, loving and fantastic people into my life.
I observe other groups of friends and the unattractive attributes they assume, like a toxic substance they harbour unhealthy attitudes, which allow backstabbing, negativity and segregation within their group to occur. I witness these friendships from afar and am so thankful, and enternally grateful, that I have friends who are not like that. I always have, and always will be surrounded by true friends because I am constantly the best friend that I can be.
Like attracts like. Whatever you give out, the universe will return in equal measure.
For my ‘New Year’s Resolution’ this year, I decided to create quite an extensive list with the overarching aim being to implement, or maintain them all (more like an action plan for the year rather than a series of different goals or objectives). One of these points was to spend more time with, and value family and friends more regularly. For me, this resolution is less about starting a new habit, but more about reminding myself that family and friends are the most important foundation in our lives, and as such, should be nurtured and looked after foremost.
If you feel like you have people in your life who don’t support you, don’t care about you or don’t have your best interests at heart, then it is time to do some serious evaluating of your friendships.
As I have acknowledged previously, I am confident that my analysis of character is usually very accurate. If someone hurts me, offends me, demeans me, makes me feel uncomfortable or unhappy when I am around them, I refuse to waste my time or energy on them. These kinds of people are not friends.
As the Oxford English Dictionary states, ‘a friend is a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive from sexual or family relations’. The key here is that a friend has mutual affection, they should care about you just as much as you care for them. Also notable, is that friends are usually not members of your family, however, it is often said that:
‘friends are the family we choose for ourselves’
I think this saying is extremely appropriate because whilst families may have troubles, hardships, arguments, or squabbles, they always pull through because the bond is too strong to be broken. The same should be the case for your friends; a great friendship is like the sun, you may not always see it but you know it is always there, and when that friend is around you they provide you with warmth, give you energy and strength, and make you feel fantastic!
In recent years I have noticed certain acquaintances in my life possess unattractive qualities and selfish tendencies that make me wonder how they have any friends at all. And the truth of the matter is that this kind of person attracts likeminded people; people who are too absorbed in their own affairs and own lives to care that their friends, are also wrapped up their own little bubbles of self absorption.
Whilst these people are not my friends, they are people whose behaviour and actions I observe regularly in life, allowing me the opportunity to appraise them not only as friends, but as people. Fundamentally, I love to just listen, considering the fact that you can learn so much more from listening to others rather than talking at, or over them. I think this astuteness grants me the freedom to attract positive relationships, and likewise, to avoid various negative influences, in all aspects of my life.
In addition, surrounding yourself with people who value your friendship purely based on your successes is just as unhealthy, which, I have learned through experience, will only leave you self-deprecating, feeling unworthy and undervalued. Friends should be valued on their ability to make you laugh, to make you smile, to share the good times and be there to support you in your darkest days. A true friend will never judge you, but be a support on which you can rely in all weathers, good or bad.
If you want to assess any friendships that you are not happy with take a look at the following points of what real friends should do, and equally, what they should not do:
Friends DO support each other
Friends DO encourage you
Friends DO meet up when they have free time
Friends DO surprise each other
Friends DO give or make gifts for each other
Friends DO compromise for each other
Friends DO message you when you haven’t spoken for a while
Friends SHOW that they love you
Friends SHARE good memories and create new ones
Friends WILL be there whenever you need them
Friends WILL save you in times of need
Friends WILL ALWAYS be there, through the hard times and good
Friends GIVE you helpful advice
Friends GIVE give you the helping hand
Friends KNOW when something is wrong
Friends KNOW that nothing will change between times when you don’t talk
Friends ARE NOT not selfish or self absorbed
Friends DO NOT judge or criticise you
Friends DO NOT worry about petty things
Friends DO NOT take each other for granted
Friends DO NOT use you
Friends DO NOT put down
Friends ARE NOT only friends with you when they want to be
And finally, a quote that I found whilst reading ‘The Perks Of Being A Wallflower’ by Stephen Chbolsky which seems very appropriate within this article. Whilst a friend must be independent and willing to stand on their own two feet, unequivocally, you must be there as a pillar on which to rely when they need you. You must be willing to share, nurture, guide, help, love and participate with your friends and family. To be willing to die for them:
“ ‘I would die for you. But I won’t live for you.’ I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. Maybe that is what makes people ‘participate’.”
earthboyblog 